We’ve been talking about equality; with ourselves and others, and looking at a few of the practical aspects of each type of situation.
I think it’s fair to say that there can be and are a variety of perspectives too. And of course, none are wrong. However, it may become clear that alignment exists more with one person or situation more than another.
I want to look at the piece around the point when we now have clarity of a misalignment with a friend, colleague, or family member. This us where the choice is. This is the “power” point that will be pivotal.
For some of us, we’ve been conditioned to conform to others expectations instead of our own sense of integrity or what feels supportive for ourselves. This practice creates a sort of blind spot and we overlook our choices in the matter. But with practice, support and encouragement with clarity, compassion, and willingness to learn we will adapt our awareness and skills.
Noticing in the moment, by some means (a physical or emotional feeling, a familiar dynamic or situation, or inner guidance of some kind), we can exercise intentional creativity. This stage is both powerful and rewarding, and can light up aspects of needed release of those people or interactions to clear space for healing.
Personally, I recently had an experience with friends that I realized I was out of integrity with. I don’t want to “divorce” these friends but I recognize a need for a different alignment. I can honor my love and care for them, for myself and have my focus be on the most aligned circumstance now. This perspective makes it easier to problem solve!
So, at this point in my situation, I’ve gotten clear there needs to be a realignment for me and gotten clear on what specific aspects that need to shift and now. I’m aware that this is important enough to not be rushed too, so I’m allowing myself the time and space to flesh it out without abandoning it. And now I get to choose how and when to speak with my friends and disclose my needs to those involved. And there is a grief that arises, I’m aware that something is ending. A loss of an expectation or a dream is still a loss. It will help me to be clear about that rather than associate grief as an indicator of something I shouldn’t be doing or some abuse at the hands of another.
Much of the time when I feel “stuck” it’s related to indecision, not being willing to act on what I know is true for me. So with my upgraded commitment of Self-Care, I apply action to intention in this area for myself. I can cultivate my relationship with my-Self around trust and dependability by taking the role of the one who listens, pay attention, cares and protects my own needs rather than projecting that role onto another less appropriate person. Give voice to and audience with those parts that feel “pinched” in some way; restoring loss of energy and softening my edges.
This particular situation for me happens to be one where once I’ve unearthed the details around my feelings, needs, and intentions for going forward do not require a confrontation and agreement by any one outside of me. It is simply an act of personal empowerment. The personal showing up with me, myself, and I; to responsibly respond to the situation. I don’t need” someone outside myself to “understand” or behave differently for me to feel ok. I can rely on myself for those needs to be met.
Wouldn’t it be GREAT to discover that much of the sensation of being “trapped” was related to staying in our previous limited state? Like the Tarot card 8 of Swords depicted by an image of a woman blindfolded, loosely bound in cloth and standing alone in front of a sort of fence of swords on both sides of her. She is submitting to this “trapped” situation and can free herself easily. She can escape on any side of the fence of swords. But unchecked, she assumes she is trapped and behaves so. This card is about the call to empowerment. Choosing for ourselves to be the one “response”- able.
I offer this perspective to each of you for your consideration in hopes that we may share many perspectives on the topic of self-care and personal response – ability.