Tag: DEI awareness

We’ve been talking about equality; with ourselves and others, and looking at a few of the practical aspects of each type of situation.

I think it’s fair to say that there can be and are a variety of perspectives too. And of course, none are wrong. However, it may become clear that alignment exists more with one person or situation more than another. 

I want to look at the piece around the point when we now have clarity of a misalignment with a friend, colleague, or family member. This us where the choice is. This is the “power” point that will be pivotal.

For some of us, we’ve been conditioned to conform to others expectations instead of our own sense of integrity or what feels supportive for ourselves. This practice creates a sort of blind spot and we overlook our choices in the matter. But with practice, support and encouragement with clarity, compassion, and willingness to learn we will adapt our awareness and skills.

Noticing in the moment, by some means (a physical or emotional feeling, a familiar dynamic or situation, or inner guidance of some kind), we can exercise intentional creativity. This stage is both powerful and rewarding, and can light up aspects of needed release of those people or interactions to clear space for healing. 

Personally, I recently had an experience with friends that I realized I was out of integrity with. I don’t want to “divorce” these friends but I recognize a need for a different alignment. I can honor my love and care for them, for myself and have my focus be on the most aligned circumstance now. This perspective makes it easier to problem solve!

So, at this point in my situation, I’ve gotten clear there needs to be a realignment for me and gotten clear on what specific aspects that need to shift and now. I’m aware that this is important enough to not be rushed too, so I’m allowing myself the time and space to flesh it out without abandoning it. And now I get to choose how and when to speak with my friends and disclose my needs to those involved. And there is a grief that arises, I’m aware that something is ending. A loss of an expectation or a dream is still a loss. It will help me to be clear about that rather than associate grief as an indicator of something I shouldn’t be doing or some abuse at the hands of another.

Much of the time when I feel “stuck” it’s related to indecision, not being willing to act on what I know is true for me. So with my upgraded commitment of Self-Care, I apply action to intention in this area for myself. I can cultivate my relationship with my-Self around trust and dependability by taking the role of the one who listens, pay attention, cares and protects my own needs rather than projecting that role onto another less appropriate person. Give voice to and audience with those parts that feel “pinched” in some way; restoring loss of energy and softening my edges.

This particular situation for me happens to be one where once I’ve unearthed the details around my feelings, needs, and intentions for going forward do not require a confrontation and agreement by any one outside of me. It is simply an act of personal empowerment. The personal showing up with me, myself, and I; to responsibly respond to the situation. I don’t need” someone outside myself to “understand” or behave differently for me to feel ok. I can rely on myself for those needs to be met.

Wouldn’t it be GREAT to discover that much of the sensation of being “trapped” was related to staying in our previous limited state? Like the Tarot card 8 of Swords depicted by an image of a woman blindfolded, loosely bound in cloth and standing alone in front of a sort of fence of swords on both sides of her. She is submitting to this “trapped” situation and can free herself easily. She can escape on any side of the fence of swords. But unchecked, she assumes she is trapped and behaves so. This card is about the call to empowerment. Choosing for ourselves to be the one “response”- able.

I offer this perspective to each of you for your consideration in hopes that we may share many perspectives on the topic of self-care and personal response – ability.

 I’d like to explore another type of equality; the one with ourselves. I think there is much more focus on equality with others than with self. What does that even mean; “inequality with Self”? Well, it might look like unfairness, being taken advantage of, or disrespected in some way. Seeing ourselves as equals when it comes to how we are treating ourselves, basically. When we don’t see ourselves as equal worth, we see the other as superior. There may be an assessment that we have few to no options to an abusive situation. And perhaps when we were children, that was the case.

Many of us are caregivers, mothers, helpers, givers of many sorts. And some of us have conditioning from home and upbringing that carry undertones of limitation, obligation and judgement. Others may have been influenced by social settings, school, tv, etc. In our current stage of life, when we want to fully express who we are and our highest potential, the old patterns and effects of conditioning can feel limiting, frustrating, and keep us feeling stuck. In this group, we have created a collaborative container of safety, compassion and acceptance. Choosing safe and supportive environments is a sign of personal power and worth. So if you are willing to explore this a little further together, let’s see what we can find.

I was molested as a child. My perpetrators were my father, a clergyman in my place of worship and the family doctor. All positions of great authority. There was trauma for me. I felt unsafe, invalidated, and disrespected. And there was no real accountability for my perpetrators. In fact, socially it was acceptable to “inappropriately touch” a girl or woman. And women were ridiculed for objecting to it and “taking it the wrong way”. Think for a moment about what that message was. During a time in our personal development when we are most trying to make sense of our world. Is it any wonder that I have a hard time speaking up when a colleague treats me as though they are entitled to whatever is on my desk, or to change the arrangement of my employment compensation, or when I feel unsafe in my relationship? No, not too far off from what we are “used to”. There’s no shame in this being the case. There is support in sharing our experiences among those we trust and can also learn that we are not alone!

The truth is there is a certain point in our development when it is not supportive to expect or hope to be rescued. Sometimes our life circumstances create so much pressure that we are forced or choose finally to stand up for ourselves, to be our own champion, to draw a line and say “no more”. That my friend, is a sign of LIFE! To treat yourself as equal might mean being a disruptor, there may be differences of opinion with friends and family, and you may show more of your true authentic self. I say, GOOD, and there’s no need to apologize for it. We have every right to claim sovereignty over our body, lives, time, etc. And when we take ourselves seriously, then others may too. (Consider Law of Attraction as it relates here.)

Another sign of life is an increasing sense of awareness about inequality, frustration with it and anger too. These are parts of ourselves that are waking up and letting us know about something that is not okay and needs our attention. If we feel discomfort and feel old patterns of conditioning come up we may be tempted to tamp down those feelings with compliance. But not for long.. The answer is always love. And healing comes from love.
Equality with Self includes maintaining a balance in our life. Things that keep us in balance are sleep, water, downtime or meditation, exercise, time with our circle of support. Those are basic needs and we would understand and respect them for others. But do we respect and protect them for us?

Beyond basic needs we have the right to pursue personal, spiritual, and career interests. I realize I have put my personal interests on the level of optional or luxury to help out a spouse or family member, even an employer. I perhaps assumed if I were of value the other person would treat me differently. That scenario is more inline with a rescue though, right? And rescue leads to dependency. I am interested in right-relationship, collaborative loving relationships based in authenticity. I am willing to invest myself in regenerative practices in all contexts. And I realize it will require some learning how to do things differently. It will be messy sometimes. And it is a process so it will take time