Clarity Brings Distinction

We recently experienced an X-6.3 solar flare on 2/22/24! And several more have occurred over the past week or so. This plasma energy coming from the sun into earth’s energy field has figuratively “flushed out the swamp” of old shadowy patterns, hidden from awareness.Solar flares are intense light energy and as it comes into dark spaces it dislodges and unravels the dark. Our experience with this could include an awareness of headaches, nausea, insomnia, heaviness, fear, self criticism or even self loathing, and anything from low energy to deep depression. It is in support of ascension, evolving us to our higher potential, and supporting healing for life on Earth.

Personally, I felt flat, without excitement or enthusiasm. I could not muster positive vision, hope, or optimism for anything! I felt tears just in the back of my throat for no particular reason. I was uncomfortable and inconsolable. I did however recognize that this was “not mine” or at least not within my normal pattern. To me, this is an indication that I am picking up on outside energies like group consciousness or some other kind of extra-ordinary reception is happening.

It so happened, that I also had profound feelings around one particular communication; that drudged up old feelings of deep insecurity, worthlessness, futility, and powerlessness. I now have reflected on this being my own personal “swamp” being dredged for the shadowy remnants that lived just out of sight. It lasted several days and influenced by my curiosity, my willingness to reach into learning by way of humility and surrender; I received amazing clarity around my values and sense of purpose. Phrases like “dark night of the soul” come to mind. Facing, feeling, and embracing our shadow self is the goal of healing. It definitely had a “Judgement Day” quality to it for me.

This process is golden! It is the gift we long for in terms of self acceptance, self love, and healing on many dimensions and timelines.

Clarity brings distinction.
Distinction brings focus.
Focus brings potent energy.
Energy brings healing.

The painful experiences of life are equally as valuable as the joyous ones.” –John Holland, Psychic Tarot, 5 of Cups. The emotional suffering of loss brings profound wisdom and knowledge to our soul. Your unique gifts, talents, and abilities; as well as joy and sorrow, will not only make up who you are, but also who you will become. Focus on what you’re grateful for rather than what is lost, for new beginnings are just around the corner. Put your trust in Divine timing! The Universe, well – she’s got your back!

Home and Feeling “Belonging”

The topic on my mind and heart today is about home, the feeling of belonging and what that inspires in us.

In my life journey, I have called many places “home”. Born in Southern California and lived there until I was 10, that was the only home I knew. I belonged there whether I was happily playing or not. I knew every inch of my front and back yard and most of the neighborhood. When my family moved to San Jose, the new family “home” did not feel like home at all. I remember thinking that it felt like a motel; a place you stay for a while before traveling on. And many years later, it would become my first purchase of real estate and my daughter’s home.

It’s been my experience to feel attached to my home. I want to take care of it and feel safe in it. I imagine it belongs to me as a sense of ownership. In my six and a half decades of journey here, I have had 21 addresses, but not all of these felt like home. So what is it that gives us the feeling of home? Is it something that we get from the environment? Or something that we give? Or something else? And how much of our experience is based on a belief? And what about the Earth as our home?

One of my teachers, Tom Brown, Jr., was a person who considered the Earth his home. He would go into the wilderness of Nature and feel right at home; with nothing but the clothes on his back and maybe his knife; for a year or more! He was mentored by an Apache elder in the natural world, learned its rhythms, languages, and abundance of nurturing as well as its lessons about awareness. So with that in mind, maybe that applies to any home – investing in learning openly about the ways and language of the land and life in the place we are living. Would that also apply to the “home” of our physical body?

From the time we are born within our physical body in this physical world, we are attending to the balance that is needed to move, reach, and interact – on a physical level. Do you remember as a kid waking up and looking at your legs and feet, thinking they were different than the night before; bigger? Or bumping into things at home as if you weren’t familiar with your surroundings? As our body changes, so does our balance point! As I have experienced my knee pain and instability (torn meniscus), I am finding a new balance with my body and my physical world. And that balance, is a kind of belonging; it teaches us that belonging is not ownership just as loving is not ownership.

In a love relationship whether with a child or partner, we feel a belonging to each other. And on life’s journey we each are always continuing to evolve, change, and grow. Sometimes our healthy growth includes a new alignment or misalignment that can cause us to feel the pain of lose. Our grief is an indicator of our love. It does not erase the love. Loss, change and growth are necessary parts of this human journey. Understanding this can help us remember that the attempt to own or control will prevent us from our growth and add to our pain even more. It can also cause us to become brittle and weaken our life experience.

Acceptance. Gratitude. Appreciation. Awareness. These are our medicine for what ails us; that and song!

“This is home, where I belong.
 In this breath. In this heart.
This is home, where I belong.
In this voice. In this song.”

Imbolc, Preparing for Spring

is time of year has a magical quality as we witness the light returning. Have you noticed the days getting longer? Already, we’ve gained an additional hour per day of light since the beginning of January!

 The Celtic celebration of Imbolc (Feb 1st & 2nd) is the celebration of the returning light, growth and fertility. It’s a perfect time to align with the seasons by taking it slow, resting and reviving ourselves. And allowing time and space for reflection. Thinking back on last year, which moments would I like to recreate? What am I grateful for? Where would I like to be this time next year?

Remembering that motivation comes from within, what might we do to invite this restorative opportunity? A figurative ‘planting bulbs’ in our life’s garden of what we’d like to grow and bloom. Imbolc is the halfway point between winter and spring. A time of reflection and hibernation without the impulse to rush time. Extra candles lit for pleasure and symbolism. Blankets and pillows like a nest of comfort to languish in. Whatever your Winter haven looks like, embrace it a little longer than usual. Look for the moments and experiences that will give you a sense of forward momentum and purpose.

Consider connecting with the Earth and Nature to deepen your understanding of these energies. Perhaps bundle up and take a walk in your favorite woods. Start some seedlings indoors. Notice the sunrise and sunset colors as each day transitions. Maybe put out a bird feeder near a window, offering seed when there is little available during this part of the year and connect with these amazing winged messengers. You could make homemade seed balls! One method is to combine healthy (no sugar or salt) peanut butter with flour or oats, roll them into balls and then roll them generously in mixed seeds suitable for birds. Or, collect pine cones, seed heads or other natural objects, fill with peanut butter and then a coating of seeds before hanging them from branches with twine.

Other ways to consciously connect to this halfway point customarily is to place a broom by the door, symbolizing the cleaning out of old ways, thoughts, practices or cupboards – making way for new life! In the natural world, this is not the time to rush into a busy time of activity. It’s not rewarding to chastise ourselves or pressure efforts toward high performance. Now is the time to “ready the Earth” before planting. If you think in those terms and invite your own sense what best supports you with kindness, non-judgement, and compassion?

Personally I find this perspective about this time of year, both resonating with my natural instincts and triggering my awareness of conditioning. The end of the calendar year is dark and cold, sometimes also bringing rough weather – and once I make it through the holidays I’m ready to recuperate! Work schedules don’t generally align with seasonal changes, so it’s up to me to find other adaptations. Like heading to bed an hour earlier, or sipping a warm beverage before bed to unwind even more. Lately I’ve been lighting a candle on my altar (in my room), just for me as a love offering to myself and other teachers represented on my altar! We often notice what we don’t have a choice over – but how often do we choose to notice what we DO have a choice over?

Experiencing Triggers Differently

I confess, I can’t always make sense of the way things unfold for me. Part of me really prefers that the “story” make sense; but that just isn’t the way it goes sometimes. I’m more relaxed about that being my experience more often these days. Must be the added practice I’ve been getting…!

Intellectually, I’m sure we all understand how experiencing loss, disappointment, or even trauma; can later be “triggered” or stimulated in a way that reminds us of the feelings or sensations of the past experience in a significant way. When that happens, it is not ACTUALLY happening in the present, and our presence to that detail is an amazing influence to help us through. I got to practice this just yesterday.

I had a long overdue mammogram scheduled. It wasn’t my first one so there was no surprise as to how it goes or the fact that it’s not the most pleasant or comfortable experience. And at the same time, it wouldn’t be confused with an unsafe or dangerous event. I however, had an internal reaction as if I was being accosted. First I was uncomfortable but silent. I was silent because there was no apparent care for how I was feeling about having my boob pulled up down and sideways, then smashed to the fullest extent possible and told to “be still”. Again, intellectually I knew there was nothing out of the ordinary about this process and no intention to harm; I knew it was a memory silhouette that got triggered in me. I was able to be present with both parts of me having a very different experience at the exact same time. And when I got to the changing room I was feeling woozy and weepy; and I just let myself feel it, be completely with the feelings in the moment like a mother and child. After a few minutes it dissipated and I was ready to leave the office and drive myself home.

I’ve done work with these parts from my past that were hurtful. I’m confident that with the new conditioning of my presence in the process and continued education I can increase confidence in my self care and decrease the intensity of the memory. I am open to assistance with healing modalities, teachers, and also realize that it’s my ability to use what I learn; to integrate it, that will be the lasting benefit. The answer is never “out there”. GOD DWELLS WITHIN ME, AS ME.

With so much energy supporting TRANSFORMATION in 2023, I am not surprised that aspects undigested are arising to allow me to heal, digest or tend them in some way. I think as adults it is sometimes a cultural or social expectation to not have these kinds of issues or triggered experiences. And, each time they do – we have an opportunity to claim our values, support our needs and follow our truest most authentic sense of “response-ability”. I am encouraged to see more and more examples of individuals stepping out of the mold and into a lifestyle that has more heart connection for them despite the courage needed to let go of what is familiar.

We are right on time! All is well…

Action from Stillness

I hope this finds you open and curious. We spoke about the terrain of transition last time. This gathering is about action from stillness, clarity and inspiration. And to begin, I want to share some important astrological influences. If you aren’t familiar with astrological terms, no problem – just let it wash right over you and pick up the gist that resonates!

On Friday the 19th, the New Moon in Taurus is quite unique for a very special reason: at the New Moon, we have a record of 6 (six!) planets in Taurus! The Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Uranus, the North Node and Jupiter are all in Taurus. Basically 50% of the energies are concentrated in one sign of the zodiac, and the other 50% in the other 11 signs of the zodiac.
The New Moon in Taurus is one of the most auspicious New Moons of the year because it only makes harmonious aspects with other planets: sextile Mars in Leo, sextile Neptune in Pisces, and trine Pluto in Aquarius. At this New Moon in Taurus, the universe is truly on your side! … but it may not feel this way. The universe works in strange ways sometimes.
At the New Moon in Taurus, we may be reminded that if we want stability and abundance (Taurus), we need to sort out our tangled mess first (T-square). And that’s not just a few tweaks here and there. We need to take massive action, we need to restructure something fundamental in our life. Sounds like big stuff, huh? No sweat, we got this… Let’s consider empowered choices when taking action.

A mentor of mine once shared with me a brief statement that she said she truly values for guidance. “Urgency equals harm.” As I have sat with this brief but powerful statement, it has occurred to me that in our western culture, things move fast – and are getting faster all the time. There is often an inherent pressure to move first and think about it later, you can sign up now and “cancel at any time” sort of mentality. In my own life feeling obligated to do more with less and having a diminished sense of self; I have “multi-tasked” to the point of exhaustion. Is this resonating with you?

Pressure and uncertainty can often activate fear responses in humans. To relieve the feeling (fear, pressure, uncertainty, etc.) we sometimes have an impulse to do something, quickly. Even if we haven’t taken the time to consider it fully, process the emotions causing or accompanying the impulses thoroughly to be clear and balanced – we choose to change our focus just to get away from the feelings! And operating in this pattern can bring short term benefits as well as long term consequences. This practice may actually multiply the “mess” we are trying to escape from.

Now, let’s look at this from a different angle. Each of us, I believe; know or have some connection to a spiritual teacher or someone we consider to be a wise person in this life. Take a moment to center yourself right now, and imagine that person in a weighty situation that calls for action. What do you see that they would do first to prepare for the decisions and actions that follow? Okay, go….

I first noticed that they do not panic. They drop into their center however that happens (meditation, walk in nature, sleep, fasting, talk with a trusted friend for perspective, etc.) and do not allow fear or the story that propels fear to take hold. We may not know the “right” answer, but to make choices from a distorted unstable place of fear and panic is most assuredly not going to be sound judgement or wise guidance.

I mentioned that I have had a diminished sense of self. Let me expand that a bit for a better understanding of how it might play into this dynamic.

The conditioning I grew up in, influenced me to develop a strong awareness of other people’s needs and preferences. It did not however, support my awareness or development, or value; of my own. My opinions, values, and aspirations were “blank.” My early adult life was tumultuous and I learned through talk therapy about something called boundaries and how they bring safety and order to an adult life. Now, I consider maintaining my personal boundaries as essential to my health physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. And practicing stillness throughout my day is just that; me practicing boundaries. It keeps me open to the guidance, inspiration, and open to information that is constantly running ‘live’ in whatever surrounding I’m in. Please, let me be clear; I do not have this mastered which is why it’s a practice that I “practice.”

I find that when I claim my sovereignty of my Self, I am grounded enough to recognize needing time to still my Self as preparation for whatever decision or action is called for. From this perspective, I have already engaged my healthy boundaries, adding to my balance in the situation.

I also find, that when I am not in my ‘racing mind’ that I can ask for and receive the clarity and inspiration I will need to move forward. Sometimes from this relaxed, still place; I see that the situation is not in alignment with me at all and needs to be released with love, rather than compromised with. That distinction is super important.

The Universe, I believe; is always conspiring for our benefit. We however, have the opportunity to be an active partner and collaborate to that end! So blessings to us all as we experience these astrological and universal energies. May we activate our awareness of our divine choices and innate skills, strengths and birthrights, for our highest good!

Terrain of Transition

Recently, I’ve been drawn to make space in my life to be. You might call it slowing down or not pushing through, or maybe it would be called just being more present. This shift, is way outside my ‘normal’ mode and so it feels a bit odd for me. I realize though, that it is facilitating expanded awareness around connection to the natural world and also my alignment to my ‘current’ Self. It feels like a de-compression.

The power of story – is overwhelming to me right now. Until we step back a bit, it is not obvious; we are so used to a particular mode of thought and movement, we don’t realize that there is actually a story! It’s the part of our inner dialogue that tells us ‘why’ things happen a particular way like; “That person cut me off because they’re selfish!” or “I’m this way because —–.” Or the stories about WHY we like or don’t like something. Is this resonating with you? There’s the obvious story we call marketing and advertisement that is now everywhere and pertaining to everything from food, entertainment, to universities and politics. Those ads we kind of recognize as a ‘story’. But how about family traditions? Literally stories handed down from generation to generation by way of a; story.

Please understand, stories are neither good nor bad. They are simply stories! And we are wired for them having come from a long lineage of oral teachings until very recently. They are very powerful. We would do well to recognize their power in and of us. That’s really my point. When – we don’t recognize them as such, we are unable to give ‘informed consent’ and therefore are just simply unaware.

The empowerment that comes with awareness, returns us to our sovereignty. How did we get to ‘story’ when we started at ‘change’? Because we often react to change with a story of fear, scarcity, vulnerability, etc. And when we can recognize that we have the option of making a supportive choice about our situation; like just making space for the change or aligning with it; aka, leaning into it! (We can try to resist/fight the wave or we can surf it!)
Okay, let’s say we are good so far. We see things inside, outside or both in the midst of change; we are aware of any tendency to host a ‘story’ about it and choose instead to relax into the movement. Maybe do something creative, meditate, go for a hike or something to move the energy without just feeling its pressure inside. Now, let’s be honest; change is a process. And some changes last longer to transition than others, right? Now we are at the part in this conversation that is about the ‘terrain of transition’ and how to navigate that part.

While in transition, it is common that our energy might be low, that our mind might not focus like ‘normal’. We might have a shorter fuse or have more needs for quiet, rest, and things that feel nurturing. It is also common that in the transition; we probably won’t know what to expect from the future, and that doesn’t mean we aren’t trying hard-enough or that things will go badly! It simply means in the terrain of transition, we are IN TRANSITION and that is what we can see, feel, and expect. In this stage of life, whatever our spiritual beliefs or beliefs about ourselves are, they will be very influential. (The time to prepare for winter is not in winter.) We are benefited by having a strong and healthy sense of what we hold to be true. When we believe things are ‘always working out for our benefit’ we are supported through times of challenge or insecurity. Or when we truly believe ‘life finds a way’, we can see that it does! And so on… I feel like you are following this.

Whether you go up the ladder or down it, your position is shaky. When you stand with your two feet on the ground, you will always keep your balance.  See the world as your self. Have faith in the way things are. Love the world as your self; then you can care for all things.” (TaoTe Ching, translation by Stephen Mitchell, 1995)

Let’s Be April Fools, Together

Well, it’s Spring! And that means new life in many forms, everywhere we look. I thought it might be fun to have each of us come in with what new life is showing up for us lately and have fun with whatever medium wants to express; a story, poems, drawing, writing or spoken word… Change is in the air and new life often starts out with stirrings from deep below.
I am posting the Tarot Card, The Fool who represents new beginnings, having faith in the future, being inexperienced, not knowing what to expect, having beginner’s luck, improvisation and believing in the universe. At this time of the Pluto transit into Aquarius (3/23/23) which has the energy of the phoenix rising, right at the beginning of Spring; it seems fitting. (I could easily have added a couple of others as well.) More on that in our gathering…
Are you experiencing any related themes from your own personal life that you’d be willing to share? Whatever calls to you – authentically from your heart center and without obligation will be PERFECT! Please don’t feel obligated to show-up in any particular way. I do ask that you invite your vulnerability and curiosity along though.
Bring your favorite or most outlandish cup with your favorite beverage for this locally remote tea party and we will cut loose in the best possible ways!!

Influence & Feeling Valid

Life sometimes includes situations that unfold in such a way that they influence me to question my own validity. I know I’m unique, but I’m not THAT unique that no one else is like me. So maybe this resonates with you?

I had a really not very significant situation the other day, that was a very familiar theme in my history. I had reached out to a friend that I was concerned about with all the storm activity to check in and let them know I was thinking of them. Their response was brief and I didn’t get a sense from their response that they received my care and concern. I felt invalidated. Let’s look at the meanings To be valid is to be valued, to have worth. To be invalid is to not have worth or value and therefore at risk for survival in the hardwired parts of our brain. So, it’s understandably jarring when something lights up that feeling of being invalid or invalidated. And if it relates to experiences that are similar from our history, then it will naturally connect them making it a much bigger stimulus.

Recognizing capacity in ourselves and others is paramount! We all have varying degrees of capacity to hold discomfort, uncertainty, etc., and still be stable within ourselves and present with those around us. Do we know or have a sense of our own capacity around these feelings? Do we feel able to “be” with these kinds of feelings and still be grounded, centered, and/or keep the faith? Great to know. Secondly, how are we at recognizing the capacity of others? Perhaps someone we live with, work with, a friend or family member? It is so helpful (to everyone) if we can recognize this piece and avoid the unrealized expectations (aka frustration) or feel a broken trust, betrayal, or some other unpleasant and unproductive sensation run through us! Let’s explore this further on our call Saturday…

Sensation vs narration or feeling the feelings vs the story –

There is a distinct difference between feeling the feeling sensations,… and activating the story or narration of “what happened.” Feeling the actual sensations in our body connects us to our inner intelligence and replaying the what happened takes us to our thoughts and out of our body. In our thoughts we are likely to follow assumptions, engage our ego and any fears, insecurities, or unhealed wounds that are needing attention.

When we feel the feeling sensations that are connected to the experience it is grounding and adds an expansive and even relaxing state to our experience. Imagine a little child that has a fear or pain, just by your presence with them to care, witness, and love them is very calming. It also builds confidence in them to do the same for themselves.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” And as we calm our nervous systems, our capacity expands. And in turn, we become those who have more capacity for others too.

Reclaim Who You REALLY Are

Astrologically, March 2023 is one of those moments in time that we will come back to again and again. Whether or not something concrete happens in your life – this is when major seeds are being planted. This is when completely new chapters in your life are being written.

On March 2nd, Venus is conjunct Jupiter. This particular Venus-Jupiter conjunction is a bit different. Venus and Jupiter also conjunct Chiron; this time, the emphasis is on healing our emotional and relationship wounds. The triple Venus-Jupiter-Chiron conjunction is an incredible opportunity to reclaim yourself.

I’m feeling it, are you? I have had a number of encounters and conversations with friends that have had a common theme and question. Do we know who we are, really – not just our image or our stats?

I look at you and see a strong, experienced, resilient, loving and beautiful woman! And yet the one thing all of us can relate to is self criticism, lack of confidence, or some fashion of insecurity. Myself included! From a spiritual perspective, we know the measurements are different. First of all, the physical body, although our temple for sure; is not going to be measured by what our culture deems “sexy” or youthful for example. This has always been a safe haven for me because of just that. And yet we are physical beings interacting productively with other physical beings and we’re aware of how our appearance, including our intentional “regalia” speaks volumes about who we are.

What are the steps or pieces involved to reclaim who we really are? Number 1 – Being who we truly are authentically is essential for integrity, communication to others responsibly, self care and self acceptance (which may include self forgiveness), and self confidence. (This can mean different things to different people.)

Number 2 – Being willing to objectively recognize our value; including strengths, experience, skills, aptitudes, and innate personal power. I have learned the immense value of trusted and integrious friends for help with this one. We all have some familiarity with ego, the mind, and the committee inside and how often there is a subjectivity here that is impossible to sort accurately in a vacuum.

Number 3 – Being unencumbered to contribute our personally with perspectives, words of wise encouragement, offers to help, to witness and not help, to bring boundary consciousness to the forefront, or to take the action needed. This is the path of the elder; at any age. This is also seen as a leadership role whether or not it has been authorized by others. Some of us would call this empowerment.

I think we’d all agree that we are living in times of accelerated transformation. And although evolution has been and will be an ongoing process, I think it’s also true that there are stages within any process that set them apart. I see this time as a time of creatively birthing a new culture, one person at a time. Each of us are physical being made up of many cells doing different functions with an intelligence of the whole and a common goal of LIVING. I see the humans on the planet, or for that matter – the Earth itself, the same way. We are different, and those differences can be in harmony or discord, affecting the experience and supporting our learning and growth.

I’ve always loved the phrase “charity starts at home” especially from the perspective of my-Self as my home. Michael Jackson’s song “The Man in the Mirror” echos this beautifully. The best way to help anyone else, the only sustainable way; is to first tend ourselves to the point that we are well and in harmony on all levels. I’m not speaking about the ultimate “perfection” according to anyone else. I’m speaking about “perfect” as an ongoing balance that is reflected back to ourselves.

Beauty Inside & Out

As the Earth continues to teach about change, we move from the depths of winter toward Spring. Here at my house, all of the rain that dumped almost a full years worth of water in the space of a few weeks, has transformed my backyard into a flower garden. Beauty, once again, is abundant!

The seasons fold one into the other and the years can slip by. In the process of living, it is understandable that we need to “catch up” with ourselves; to bring things current or to “collect” all of our parts while shedding what is no longer supporting our wellness. I mentioned to a friend recently that when I look into the mirror I don’t recognize myself. And she said “Well, for the past several years you’ve been focusing your attention on the inside. So that makes sense.” And it does make sense! I am ready to do some much needed catching up with myself. I feel the need to claim my sovereignty and upgrade my “measuring tools,” focused attention, and intentions. Using the measurements of 20+ years ago has me always coming up short, and that just isn’t accurate anyway.

Boundaries… Still? Yep this is a perfect application for some internal boundaries to be put to work. Using Nature as a template, nothing stands still. “All is in motion” and becoming something else, more, different. That includes us! Being in the flow of life and in the “thriving” lane, will be aligned with our continual awareness and provision of these shifts. Boundaries are essentially the delineation of how much or how little of something. It’s a dividing line, if you will.

The things that we allow or set as a priority is correlated to what tends to happen. Tracking this for ourselves will inform us a great deal. When I have a tight schedule and not enough time for everything I want to do, what tends to drop? Yep, something I can “live without”. Of course that is part of any adult life from time to time. But, tracking myself I will become aware that this is a pattern, it repeats like a habit. That is not sustainable. That may stem from a belief that we are not “as important” as the other… DEI (diverse, equitable and inclusive) refers to us too!! And every choice or value judgement will reflect our bias.

Tending to our “Energy Tank” is also paramount. What adds to yours? Is it a priority? Turns out, the most beneficial aspects of well being are the least complicated. Our minds have a knack for controversy and complication. Consider the power of silence. Sitting in silence or meditation even 5 to 10 minutes each day will cultivate a profound resiliency, as we claim our inner terrain and its calm centering there. And, as caregivers and women, we are an influencer on others. What are we modeling? Hmmm? If we treat ourselves with love, respect and equability; we give others “permission” to do the same and maybe some ideas as to HOW to do that.