Life sometimes includes situations that unfold in such a way that they influence me to question my own validity. I know I’m unique, but I’m not THAT unique that no one else is like me. So maybe this resonates with you?
I had a really not very significant situation the other day, that was a very familiar theme in my history. I had reached out to a friend that I was concerned about with all the storm activity to check in and let them know I was thinking of them. Their response was brief and I didn’t get a sense from their response that they received my care and concern. I felt invalidated. Let’s look at the meanings To be valid is to be valued, to have worth. To be invalid is to not have worth or value and therefore at risk for survival in the hardwired parts of our brain. So, it’s understandably jarring when something lights up that feeling of being invalid or invalidated. And if it relates to experiences that are similar from our history, then it will naturally connect them making it a much bigger stimulus.
Recognizing capacity in ourselves and others is paramount! We all have varying degrees of capacity to hold discomfort, uncertainty, etc., and still be stable within ourselves and present with those around us. Do we know or have a sense of our own capacity around these feelings? Do we feel able to “be” with these kinds of feelings and still be grounded, centered, and/or keep the faith? Great to know. Secondly, how are we at recognizing the capacity of others? Perhaps someone we live with, work with, a friend or family member? It is so helpful (to everyone) if we can recognize this piece and avoid the unrealized expectations (aka frustration) or feel a broken trust, betrayal, or some other unpleasant and unproductive sensation run through us! Let’s explore this further on our call Saturday…
Sensation vs narration or feeling the feelings vs the story –
There is a distinct difference between feeling the feeling sensations,… and activating the story or narration of “what happened.” Feeling the actual sensations in our body connects us to our inner intelligence and replaying the what happened takes us to our thoughts and out of our body. In our thoughts we are likely to follow assumptions, engage our ego and any fears, insecurities, or unhealed wounds that are needing attention.
When we feel the feeling sensations that are connected to the experience it is grounding and adds an expansive and even relaxing state to our experience. Imagine a little child that has a fear or pain, just by your presence with them to care, witness, and love them is very calming. It also builds confidence in them to do the same for themselves.
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” And as we calm our nervous systems, our capacity expands. And in turn, we become those who have more capacity for others too.