Most of us, if not all; are looking for deeper connection in our relationships. We can sometimes wonder, how we can accomplish that in our busy lives. I am one of those people wanting to develop deeper connections in relationships, all of them! And I will admit that it has brought up a series of questions and feelings.
Referencing one of the strongest bonds in human life; mother and child; we see clearly the connection is built on openness, vulnerability, and love. Although this is not the same dynamic as many other relationships, there is a common thread. Let’s explore that here.
It starts with discerning a few things. Beginning with an awareness of the people you feel safe with, respect, and trust that they have your best interest at heart. This is paramount. Then, being willing to be seen and heard which is vulnerable to some degree is essential for closeness. When we come from our loving heart, we move with compassion in the world. Compassion for others and ourselves; compassion for this journey in all of it’s simple and complex details. If however, we have not shown compassion and understanding to ourselves – have not developed self acceptance; then we will practice some form of deception in our relationships.
We have all experienced rejections in small and significant ways through our life thus far. And when these experiences are not fully “digested” or processed, they often remain in our belief systems as something to avoid; and the closeness is no longer tolerated due to the risk of pain. Being in a practice of self acceptance is just that, a practice. It is accompanied by truth, humility, and most of all self-forgiveness. When we are aware of ourselves, truthfully – we will not be as easily offended when others reference it. We will cultivate a sense of comfort and resilience around our strengths and weaknesses. And we often become appreciative and open to collaboration with others; realizing our own limitations.
There is a distinct difference between collaboration and being a burden to others. Inviting a collaboration or asking for help in some way, is not obligating the other. If it is truly a question, then the answer could be “yes” or “no” and we are open equally to both. When we get attached to our preferences or feel desperate for things to go as we would like, there becomes a “sticky” surface to traverse and communication gets compromised often resulting in discord by one or both.
I heard a phrase that really stuck for me. “Whether you feel like shit, or THE Shit, either way – it’s ego!” Wow, that’s clear. We often associate behaviors of arrogance or even confidence as ego, self-importance and the like. But it is also equally true of behaviors that stem from feeling “less than”. Right? Ego certainly has it’s role in keeping us alive, but if left to run things, will make a mess of it. Something to ponder.
Now, let’s also consider how it feels to you when you are in collaboration or even helping someone out of your own choice. It is a human need to feel a sense of contribution, and it can feel great! So, when we reach out, ask for help, or offer an idea of collaboration which invites another closer; we are inviting the other to have that great feeling! It is literally a gift – for both. And it cultivates a bond of closeness. It is an exchange of energy.