Life is Miraculous

I’ve recently recovered from the flu and have a new appreciation for my body and the feeling of physical strength. I appreciate the wonders of healing – how miraculous a thing that is. As much as I adore being home resting and feeling the full permission to do so, I also felt the pangs of wanting to do things too! What an exercise in awareness, patience, and surrender it has been. Even now that I am better, tested negative last Sunday, my energy comes and goes in waves. First thing in the morning it comes in and is fully present and then by noon it has gone out again. Such a reminder of what I have control over and what I don’t. That we are a combination of biology and conditioning. My conditioning has told me that my worth is tied to what I do, produce, and create that has value to others. I have had conditioning added to that that says “I am innately worthy just by my being in existence, living and breathing.” I know that is true, but sometimes I drop into the old familiar pattern I grew up with and feel the pressure (I imagine is there) related to my keeping up with all of my “responsibilities”.

I recently read the book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. It came to me as a gift from a somewhat chance meeting with someone I briefly met at an Esalen workshop. I was so touched that this person would go out of their way to send the book to me because they knew me enough to think that it would be meaningful, that I have been reading it a little each morning. It’s a classic, perhaps you’ve read it. If not, I believe it would be meaningful for you! The story takes us through much of the life of Siddhartha from the age of a young man to his elder years and like most of us, his life takes him through many different situations and life-styles. But in his later years he is inspired by the river to “see” himself in each of the very different people he was and then as the same person. I could relate to that. I’ve had many very different jobs like a glass blower, an assembly line worker stuffing printed circuit boards, and then as an owner of a computer leasing company in many roles. I’ve lived in different places, had my identity change with marriage and divorce. And then there’s the stages of ages! I have taken on so many different appearances over the years! And yet all of these “people” are me. It’s like training wheels for understanding oneness.

And Siddhartha lived his life from the inside out rather than living in accordance with what others expected. I was very taken by his example of tracking his inner calling and moving from that motivation; without condition. In addition, he offered the same to those he knew and loved. This caused me to reconsider the truth about control, obligation, and attachment. I have experienced struggle with all three of these and can see how this is true for so many folks depending on the conditioning they received growing up. Of course, and then there is more learning, more conditioning, and more opportunity to experience. Life is moving through us all the time. And we have desires, preferences, and we can affect change through our influences in many ways. But control? In my experience the effort and focus that I have invested in trying to do everything “right” has caused me at times to be rigid, impatient, and literally missing all the joy and pleasure that was within my reach!
In this moment I can reflect over my own various life experiences and relate to each iteration individually as well as see the oneness. Likewise, from that awareness I can see others similarly. It evokes compassion, patience, and deep peace in me. This potent time of year is supporting our seeing deeper truths more easily and quickly.

Those truths may be about the past or the future as we co-create our world together. But they are rooted in the present and grow from there. Being still is not the same as doing nothing; it has value and purpose. Listening is not the same as having no value to offer with words. Indeed, listening is one of the most powerful influences we have. And at the end of the day, it isn’t what we’ve said or heard that will change us but what we’ve felt. At least that’s how it seems to me, at this moment