What is a “Healthy” Boundary?

Looking to Nature for the original blueprint of life, I recognize that there are boundaries in all landscapes, in our bodies, in our solar system; everywhere. The word “boundaries” first came to my awareness as I began to learn about New Age and Psychology. But unlike my first impression which were related to learning how to say “no”, be my own advocate and protect my self basically; it is and has been an essential support of Life.

When physical life begins in utero, the first operational organ is our heart. It begins at week seven of gestation. It is our oldest and perhaps most complex part of ourselves! And our heart has a physical boundary. The pericardium is a thin sac that surrounds our heart. It protects and lubricates the heart and keeps it in place within our chest. Wow. Think of that! Our very first boundary in place at seven weeks old!

Fast forward. There are many kinds of boundaries. Geographic with land and water, on the roads with traffic direction and speed, in fact the very space we live inside of, is the result of boundaries. Once we translate boundaries into relationships, it starts to get a bit fuzzy. The same purpose is present however. To organize for maximum harmony and health. The implementation of boundaries sometimes lights up a concern that we might be causing another harm or upset as they may feel rejected. We may be hosting a belief of “win/loose” rather than “win/win”. Anyway, it tends to be a bit tricky. And even in relationships with “healthy” friends it can be present. Depending on how we respond – it can be a growth opportunity or a reason to contract and isolate.

Here’s an example from a recent experience. A few weeks ago a dear friend who lives in San Fransisco was in town and we met for dinner. We hadn’t seen each other for four years and both had a lot of catching up to do. She is an amazing human, very accomplished in teaching, writing, public speaking, and just generally being an inspiration to others without trying to be on a pedestal. It seemed like her share was totally positive! She told me about finding a love relationship with someone who was equally accomplished and how they were crafting a life together that supported high vibration for each of them. He has a big family with it’s share of history and the complexities that that brings, but in all her perspective was consistently “positive”.

Although I had many high points to share with her, I also shared areas of vulnerability, concern, and question. My thought I guess was that this might be an opportunity for advise from someone I respect. Anyway, she listened intently and tracked what I was sharing, but at the normal place in the conversation when the listener might “help”, ask questions, make suggestions, etc., she just launched into another lighthearted story! I was aware of this and was a bit puzzled, and felt my ego consider “rejection” with a side order of low self-esteem. But I chose to just stay present and keep my heart open. And later when I reflected on it, I thought about the kind of person she is and what she had shared about her personal commitment to love and how keeping her vibration higher facilitated her own connection to Love. Then it became more clear. She was in a neutral space, witnessing me in my own perspective of my life, not interrupting with suggestions of how to “fix it”, or advise of any kind. It was one of the most clean and clear conversations I’ve ever had. She honored me on my own journey without judgement of any kind. And I wasn’t used to it!

WOW… A respectful and clean example of how to be present in relationship while maintaining ones own health and wellness, the only real responsibility we each have.
The experience which I have reflected on many, many times; has been a mile-marker for me on my own journey. It let me know more about my patterns, intentions, and skill level. Self mastery, is the only true and worthy opponent in our soul journey.

Recently I found a collection of book reviews, tips, and action plans for self care. I’ve been dedicating time and attention to educating myself on a deeper refinement of my self care practices. I am releasing those patterns of thought and response that no longer serve me. It feels like a lot of catching up on putting things in their proper perspective. One that is supportive and powerful, that reduces stress, resentment toward myself or others, and allows not only growth personally, but love to flourish.

Getting back to the “heart” of the matter, using the example of the pericardium, it is a flexible, constantly present part of the health and wellness of our heart; the oldest and wisest part of our physical body! I choose to be open to all the ways I can say “Yes” to this kind of boundary in my life! As well, I will do my best to support the boundaries of others and recognize that their choices in boundaries are not rejections of me or limitations really. But instead part of their own personal journey.

My prayer is for peace. Neutrality is not apathy. As we each step more fully into our own self response-ability, we allow others to do the same. Our own inner-peace not only radiates into our sphere of influence, it is a testimony of true personal power.