Most of my life, I have been taught and encouraged to find happiness, to follow my heart and to always do my best. Somehow along the way I have gotten the idea that I’m only acceptable when I am “happy”, I should follow impulses and doing my best is not good enough unless it’s good enough to “others”.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I can function in life pretty well; at least enough to get by. But in my travels I have gained insight about many of these aspects and made updates to the original program; in some cases multiple updates. I am open to better understanding myself and am much more willing to be comfortable with the uncertain or rough parts of myself. I am far from “done” and am looking for the beauty of progress, indicators of the “track” I am on.
It is particularly clear to me that progress from a place of being lost, is just seeing clearly where one is. And progress from finding oneself in a place that is not aligned with conscious choice, is to identify what would be and then to progress from there. To be truly alive and conscious in ones life is to be awake to the full array of sights, sounds, smells, sensations; all the them and not just the pretty happy ones.
The teachers in my life have helped me be more clear about the fact that we as humans sometimes make assumptions instead of use our senses and be present to the mystery, that we can be impatient or unwilling to be still in the uncertainty which is part of our experience here. And that we can without realizing it, use our pain from the past to color our expectations of the future, allowing fear to become dominant in our lives.
Close, trusting relationships are a gift that can allow us the opportunity to be supported by reflections from those around us, or be reminded of things we have mastered or long to master. The essential ingredient? Well it includes choosing to receive the support and to be patient and humble for sure. I have found the biggest single key for myself, is to maintain the role of being in charge. To exercise my empowered self, to remember my choices for personal growth, authenticity, and close community with others. As a survivor of many types of abuse, I say “who”, I say “how”, I say “when”. I take the responsibility of my own well being.
The month of December is often a challenging one. Darker days, colder nights, and whether one is religious or not, there are outside expectations to navigate. It affects us differently and we can learn from and support one another.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Most of my life, I have been taught and encouraged to find happiness, to follow my heart and to always do my best. Somehow along the way I have gotten the idea that I’m only acceptable when I am “happy”, I should follow impulses and doing my best is not good enough unless it’s good … <\/p>\n